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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Love Child

I was born August 21, 1969 in Columbus, Ohio.  Actually I very well could have been born at Woodstock had my dad gotten his wish.  My parents were in their late teens when they became pregnant with me.  I was their "Love Child."  Very typical for hippie-types from the late 60s.  The original Woodstock Festival was held August 15-18 in Bethel, NY.  My dad really wanted to go but with my mom being 9-months pregnant with me, they decided not to attempt it.  To my knowledge, there were no births at Woodstock.  I'm sure there were many babies conceived at Woodstock though.  I have always thought that it would have been so awesome had my parents went to Woodstock and my mom given birth to me during the festival.  Can you imagine?  I would have been THE world famous Woodstock baby.  Probably would have been on the cover of Time magazine.  Yeah, that would have done wonders to feed my narcissistic tendencies. 

My parents must have thought that they had the most perfectly precious child because they chose not to have any more children.  Either that or I was such a hellion that they didn't think that they could possibly tolerate another child like me.  I prefer to believe the aforementioned; however it was probably a little of both.  Not only was I an only child, I was the only grandchild on my dad's side of the family for quite a few years. On my mom's side of the family, I was the youngest grandchild.  I was not spoiled rotten...but damn close.  
Me & My Pops

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Not Your Average Kindergartener

I had Chronic Bronchitis as a child.  If you've never heard someone with Bronchitis cough, its just something that you would have to experience.  It is incredibly annoying to say the least.  More of a loud, non-stop "barking" than an actually cough.  Very frustrating to the afflicted person and anyone within earshot.  I would drive myself and my parents crazy with my hacking.  They never yelled at me about it or anything like that; however I know it had to have gotten on their nerves.

My dad used to make me this concoction containing whiskey, hot tea, lemon and honey. I have since been told that some people refer to it as a "Hot Toddy."  I always referred to it as the "Nasty Stuff."   My parents would make a cup of this mess to help stifle my coughing.  (You have to keep in mind, this was the norm in 1975)  Usually I couldn't even get passed the SMELL of the stuff, let alone try drinking it!  

One particular evening I remember sitting in the living-room watching TV with my dad.  We had just finished dinner and my mom was in the kitchen cleaning up.  I remember that my coughing was virtually non-stop.  So much so that I was only able to eat a couple bites of my dinner.  Sitting there and continuing to cough, I was increasingly getting on my dad's nerves.  He tried the usual suggestions; "Have you tried drinking some water?  Cough-drops?"  The problem usually was that my coughing was so forceful that attempting to take a drink would generally result in me choking on the water.  Forget trying to suck on a cough-drop.  Many a time I have choked on a cough-drop while forcefully inhaling during a coughing fit.

After turning up the TV a couple of times to try drowning out my hacking, my dad finally went into the kitchen to make a coffee-cup full of the "Nasty Stuff."    A few minutes later my dad returned to the living-room with the mug of "Nasty Stuff" and told me to drink it.  I knew the routine.  We would usually spend the next 30 minutes or more arguing back and forth about me drinking it.  I was persistent though and would usually wear my dad down and he would give up trying to get me to drink it.  This particular time I had an idea.  I didn't want to argue with my dad.  He was never a physically abusive man but he had a way of raising his voice to the point where I would usually end up in tears. 

My plan was to sit there and sip on the Nasty Stuff for a few minutes.  Then I would get up to act like I had to use the bathroom.  I would take my little mug with me and once in the bathroom, I would dump the contents down the toilet.  No fuss, no muss and everybody is happy.  With my dad's strong urging, I took a few good size gulps of the mess.  I started to feel sick to my stomach and headed to the bathroom with my mug.  Once I got in there, I was just about to dump the contents of the mug into the toilet.  The burning sickness that I had been feeling in my stomach had suddenly turned to a warm feeling that spread throughout my body.  Even at such a young age I realized that I liked the feeling that alcohol gave me.  So, I proceeded to finish the rest of my elixir...instead of flushing it down the toilet.  I don't think that is normal for your average 5-year old.

Me, bottom row-third from left.